I've been thinking about you several times through the last years. The last 9 years to be specific. Not every day, or even every week or month, but now and then. I've wondered so many times. Asked myself questions that I've never found any answers to. Yesterday I believe I found some answers when I met you for the first time on the street and you asked me out for coffee. It wasn't as I thought it would be. But since back in the days I believe both our lives have changed a lot. And to me it's not a bad thing. It did me good.

Have I ever known real fear? To be honest I don't think so. I've never been that afraid of things that I've felt my body shake of it. When thinking of the future I feel some sort of fear, like when I think of loosing someone close to me. But that's not all fear, but a lot of sadness, because it will happen sooner or later.

I wonder. Would I do the same things again? Would I make the same mistakes? Knowing me prolly yes......

On my own again and I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

"She used to love you. Maybe she still does" she thought to herself in the dusk of dawn. The only company is her own thoughts, her own mind, that has played tricks on her so many times before.
She loves him though, in her own way, and he knows that. She makes sure he's aware of that and leaves no trace of doubts. She doubts. Herself and him, and the souls around them.
She's fragile, her feelings are, her spirit and her beliefs. She can see the glimps' of her future, and his, filled with tears and moments of silence, but also sunlight inbetween. Her biggest enemy, if that's what she would call it, is herself and her mind. Her doubtfull heart you might say. "Does they even know I exist? Or does he hide her away as he once used to to shelter himself from the surroundings, playing it safe?". So many thought that feed her mind, the observations that makes her head spinn, and she wonders if his words are true, why doesn't it show, to her and everyone else, to release some of it?

Somehow I would like to believe that I don't think that I'm better than others. I like to assume that I'm somehow just different. And hope that is right and not a bad thing to believe....

Ready - Set - Match!

Just for the sake of it this time. Enough is enough is enough. Another question asked, from my side, but as allways with regards to the same topic, I'm not the one to blame. So ready, set, match!!

80,000 reasons. All of them. And this time the exuces aren't enough anymore. 80,000 reasons, and i've had enough.